Myles Away:

Automotive alphabet soup

There’s not a whole lot to do when sitting in traffic. As my mind begins to wonder and my eyes gaze over a sea on non-precious metal, I start to realize the lunacy of car names. Would I love a Mustang any less had it been called a “Cougar” as the original designers intended? What exactly is a Vitara anyway?

So what’s in a vehicle’s name? It’s just a word or two designed to make me feel something about a car, right? But I now realize that I’m ok with a car company slapping on a badge to tell me how I should feel about its product. I have to drive a BMW 3-Series to know that it’s a great car, but a Dodge Challenger doesn’t even have to move for me to get excited about it. What I’m not so sure about anymore are the class code lettering. The difference between a Toyota Camry LE and XLE, is about $5,000. I know there are different options that come with the upgraded package, but is the lettering really necessary? Are most people going to know that I paid much more just for Toyota to put an “X” on my trunk? After thinking about it, there are very few of these extra letter that have any real meaning, and I can think of only five that even deserve recognition for being any good, or possibly no good at all… > More

Chrysler and Fiat: I’m excited; I’m afraid

I am a single man. For me, the women I date usually fall into two categories: approach now and approach later. There is just something about the girls in the latter category that have a striking beauty that makes me hesitate until I get enough confidence (or drink enough) to ask them out. The problem is that I have found at the end of date I’m just as likely to describe her using the term “box-o-rocks” as I am likely to actually enjoy my time with the pretty woman.

This is my fault. While I was admiring the girl from a far, my brain had time to imagine how perfect she COULD be. I have a high expectation only from what I’ve seen, before I’ve even met her face to face. So if the girl is not who my mind has made her out to be, I’m disappointed. I can only hope this does not hold true with the Chrysler-Fiat merger...

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My New Year’s resolution: learn to drive (better)

Giving me a bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing. The last few times I’ve been on a track of any kind, I’ve used whatever knowledge I’ve gained on previous experiences and applied it to the current situation. Good, right? Not if you’re as cocky as I am.

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Do-it-yourself car building needs to make a comeback

As a car guy, I am not looking forward to the new year. I know we can expect plenty of CARnage (horrible pun) stemming from the economic slowdown that will kill off plenty of high-horsepower, low-volume fun cars. I also know the worst is not over yet. Gas prices will rise, emissions regulations will tighten, and car companies will look to sell the same car internationally. All this adds up to smaller cars with smaller engines, but there is hope.

We are on a crash course with mundane sedans, and car enthusiasts will not take this lying down. We can’t fight this in the conventional way of dropping a big engine into whatever car we feel like because soon the big engines won’t be so easy to get. It’s time for a new solution. In my never-wrong crystal ball (no guarantees), I see the return of great kit cars.

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The Detroit bailout: it ain’t over, don’t be surprised

All of Detroit is safe until after the auto show in January, sorta. The government approved $13.4 billion in loans for General Motors and Chrysler for immediate consumption (Ford said “no thanks” for now.) This will take them until February when another $4 billion may be available, but they will also have to show that their operations are able to show "positive net present value" – a tough goal I’ll get to in a moment.

This means at least when the North American International Auto Show hits Detroit in January, at least the Big Three won’t have to ring the Salvation Army bell, and instead they will be able to somewhat focus on products. But this isn’t the end of the fight, the big picture has four elements still to come:

 There will be more layoffs
 There will be more money needed pumped into the industry
 It’s the end of fun new cars
 The winner will be the one who returns to big cars first

So for this week, after the just I present a little accounting, a healthy dose of skepticism, and just enough optimism to keep fans of American cars from jumping out the window.

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Brand loyalty is stronger at the lower levels

I have a friend who is damn near seven feet tall. Aaron has trouble finding an exact fit for everything from clothes to cars. But somehow he found his 1998 Oldsmobile Intrigue to be just right. Unfortunately too many cross-country trips meant the eventual demise of the Intrigue. But with around 175,000 miles, he got his money’s worth.

Armed with a few thousand dollars and some credit to his name, he went searching for a new car. He called me up for suggestions. He thought a truck or SUV might fit his large frame best He also best wanted to spend as little as possible with his down payment covering a good part of the total price of the car. After a long conversation of what would meet his need for a cheap, reliable and fuel-efficient (in that order of importance) car, we came up with a few pre-owned ideas such as the Honda Element, Hyundai Santa Fe and a V6 Dodge Ram.

He spent weeks looking at the cars on his list as well as others that may have been a good fit, and every once in a while I’d get a call about his frustrating results. Everything he looked at was okay, but nothing felt completely right. Finally a got a call from him a couple of days ago. Aaron is the proud owner of 2000 Oldsmobile Intrigue for less than $3K.

After all his searching, he ended in almost the same place (just in better shape and lower miles.) But I can understand exactly what he did. About a decade ago I did the same thing, and I doubt we are the only ones.

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Throw a scapegoat on the barbie: Top Gear Australia in trouble

The boys over at TopGear Australia seem to be in some hot water over their damage for this season: $200,000 AUD (about $132,000 U.S. dollars). I was prepared to let this go, but the story seems to be picking up steam. So instead I’m weighing in with my opinion.

Some manufactures are upset that the cars were returned in less than pristine condition. This includes having to respray luxury cars after chips from stones (something that is routinely done for pre-owned luxury cars), and one stunt where $30,000 AUD worth of damage was done to two Holden Astras during a game of “lawn bowls” (it was cool to watch).

"We have no appetite for automotive Jackass," the spokesman for one of the damaged brands said.

"When they revisit series two, they will encounter a lot of shut doors," said another.

The TG Australia boys should respond by using a classic British saying: “Shut it!”

Did the manufactures not see Toyota Aygo/Volkswagen Fox Soccer on original TopGear? Or the lesser-known time when they decided to crash test on a Renault Megane without telling Renault they would total the borrowed car? Of course there is going to be destruction, THIS IS TOP GEAR NOT THE KNITTING HOUR!

Cars get dinged up all the time on TopGear. Manufactures are supposed to be fine with it because every feature is a ten minute commercial for their product that people are actually willing to watch. Over the eight episode run, the damage amounts to about $16,500 in U.S. dollars per episode. Car companies spend more than that to advertise on a program, so manufacturers shouldn’t be upset or withhold cars because they have to expense that out for their test fleet.

The TG Aussie boys had tough shoes to fill. They were cast not as their own men, but as the personalities of original hosts with new accents. TopGear Australia didn’t have a spectacular first season, but some of it was good fun and they are finding their own voices. Even the first series of this incarnation of original (British) Top Gear had some real kinks to work out. In fact, the British second series dropped Jason Dawe for James May.

The Aussie boys absolutely deserve their second series. I only say shame on them for not causing more damage.

Ford: Three ways for the future

As a struggle for bailout cash becomes a more pressing issue, I’m going to conclude my series of three ways for Detroit’s Big Three carmakers to turn themselves around. Although the Senate is looking for ideas for fuel efficiency from the domestic automakers before it loosens the purse strings, I didn’t make that suggestion to General Motors or Chrysler, and that will remain the same for Ford. Eco-friendly halo cars, like the Chevrolet Volt, are fine, but to energize more than just one brand, the big picture must be seen.

Ford is probably in the best position to give itself a boost. It has a very strong and separate European operation that is known for building lively cars. Ford was smart to quickly move at the first signs of real danger to make plans to sell its European cars in North America (why wasn’t it smart enough to bring them over before it was in a crisis?)

So Ford should be the closest to being back on the road to profits, but these three idea will get them there faster:

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Dr Strange Panamera or: How I learned to stop worrying and like odd Porsches

I’m a Porsche purist. I think only true Porsches are supposed to have a huge rear weight bias that causes an almost dangerous amount oversteer. It should take a skilled hand to drive one and carry maximum of two people in relative comfort. Because of these convictions, I’ve been unjustly harsh to the Panamera in the past.

Porsche has a tradition of building magnificently engineered sports cars. So when I see resources taken away from cars like the 911 to build a sedan, I get a little scared. I know the 911 will still get all the attention it needs, but in the back of my mind, I fear Porsche will want to spend time with its new kid and forget about the oldest son still living at home.

Now that we’ve seen leaked final photos of Porsche’s sedan, I’m slightly less worried. Where BMW has the tradition of building cars that are wolves in sheep’s clothing, Porsche has a tradition of making wolves in wolf’s clothing. Although this car carries a similar hoodline to the Nissan 370Z and the body takes the shape of a Citroen C6, the car is distinctly Porsche.

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Automakers and the U.S. Government: more investment, less aid

General Motors will not go down. I write this because GM is a linchpin in a “domino effect” that does not just take down GM’s suppliers. If GM fails, then it will not only stop the trickle of customers in its showrooms, but in all in U.S. brand showrooms as well. Because if GM can fail, the already low consumer confidence in the smaller U.S. companies would fall further, possibly triggering the bankruptcies of Chrysler and Ford (which are already a possibility without help from GM.)

So the current debate over if the government should bail out the automotive industry is pointless. The government will lend a large hand to the car industry because of how much would be lost if it doesn’t. Just because General Motors, Ford and Chrysler are third to approach the feeding trough (behind AIG and the banking industry,) doesn’t mean the government shouldn’t fill it with slop.

But a regular loan isn’t the answer. Consumer confidence doesn’t just come from interesting cars. It’s also a product of knowing that the car company that sold the vehicle today will be in business tomorrow. You’re not likely to buy a DVD player out of the trunk of a Buick, so why would you buy a Buick out of the trunk of the U.S. Government.

The government can’t just hand out cash. It needs to somewhat stand behind these cars. The aid can’t be just loans, but an actual investment in the U.S. auto companies.

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