Columbus Day Special – 5 SUVs And Trucks To Help You Destroy A Civilization

TopSpeed

By Jonathan Lopez

Published Oct 9, 2017

Ruin, devastation, and plenty of cup holders

Welp, it’s Columbus Day, and while your grade school textbook probably filled you in on the basics (he sailed across the Atlantic ocean blue in 1492 to “discover” the “New World,” etc.), there were also a few, uhm, less-than-pleasant outcomes to his journeys around the Americas – namely slavery, genocide, widespread disease, and generally tyrannical behavior. So then, in recognition of this, we’ve compiled a list of SUVs and trucks that a modern Columbus might use in exploration and/or the destruction of a civilization.

The criteria are pretty straightforward – it’s gotta be capable, with the sort of off-roader chops that won’t leave the would-be conqueror stranded in a tough spot. It’s also gotta be practical, with enough space in back to haul away all those shiny stolen riches. Ideally, it would also be absurdly destructive to the surrounding environment, just so everyone else knows the score. So yeah, we’re getting a little morbid with this one, but hey, it’s Columbus – what did you expect?

Continue reading for our list of 5 SUVs And Trucks To Help You Destroy A Civilization.

Jeep Grand Cherokee Trackhawk

Yeah, yeah, we know the Trailhawk version of the iconic Jeep Grand Cherokee is the one to get if you’re planning on doing a little off-roading, but we decided to go with the Trackhawk for one very specific reason – 707 supercharged horses, baby. It’s the sort of output that’ll suck up all the natural resources around it, like a rolling, fire-spitting, V-8-powered vacuum. And hell, with that much power, you can just bash through whatever happens to be in your way. If Columbus was a modern citizen of the U.S.A., this is what he’d drive.

Read the full review on the 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee Trackhawk.

Land Rover Range Rover

When it comes to colonizing stuff, the Brits certainly have a lengthy resume. The Range Rover fits this role well, with unflappable talent over any terrain, be it a rocky slope or destroyed temple, and enough space in back to bring home a few blasphemous golden idols to melt into a saucer and a teaspoon. Don’t forget your cargo shorts and a jaunty hat!

Read the full review on the 2017 Land Rover Range Rover.

Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen

Why be uncomfortable when erasing all remnants of another culture? Now that’s uncivilized. The G-Wagen is the perfect fix for those looking to combine a spot of glamping with their conquering. Tough, rugged off-roader on the outside, refined, posh luxury on the inside. Extra points if you cover your seats with the hides of the local fauna.

Read the full review on the 2017 Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen.

Ford F-150 Raptor

Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, you might overextend a bit while tearing about in a murderous rage. At moments like these, you’ll need to make a calculated, yet hasty retreat to call in reinforcements. Enter the F-150 Raptor, a high-powered, high-standing rough-stuff specialist with enough get-up-and-go to beat your pursuers back to the beach. And thanks to all that bed space, you’ll have no problem hauling the goods whilst hauling butt.

Read the full review on the 2017 Ford F-150 Raptor.

Rezvani Tank

Badass is the first word that comes to mind. Equipped with FLIR thermal imaging, night vision, and even the option for ballistic body armor, the Rezvani Tank has everything you need to be a one-SUV wrecking machine. Ground clearance is ample, while the 6.4-liter V-8 provides as much as 500 horsepower to drive enormous, knobby tires with more zeal than a Christian missionary.

Read the full review on the 2018 Rezvani Tank.

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