BMW Trolled the Tesla Cybertruck Hard on Twitter
We’re back with more
related news as BMW decided to capture some attention on Twitter and channel it on one of its most spectacular products by throwing some shade at the Cybertruck.
As you know, BMW will sell you, on special request, the so-called X5 Protection VR6, a heavily armoured vehicle packing 530 horsepower and the ability to withstand gunfire coming from an AK-47. This sort of badassery allowed BMW to troll Tesla and Musk for the “armor” widows gaffe that took place during the pickup truck’s live reveal.
BMW Screwed Up Big Time with the New X5
Hey, look, the brand-new BMW X5 is here! I know, it’s yesterday news, everyone has seen it. Well, I’m not exactly anxious to get up early in the morning so yeah, I’m usually late on the news. But here’s something no one appears to have noticed yet: the SUV’s trunk is now smaller. And not by a little bit, it’s significantly smaller, despite the X5 being slightly bigger.
Pops’ Rants: The BMW M5 Competition Package Is a Useless Abomination
The BMW M5 is an abomination. There, I finally said it. If you’re a diehard fan, you can now have an aneurysm, take a deep breath, and continue reading. Or you can yell "you know nothing" and go complain on your crappy BMW forums. Because that’s what true BMW fans do. Either way, the M5 sucks, and I’m going to explain why because it’s way too hot outside to go for a bike ride.
Pops’ Rants: Is the BMW M4 Worth it with the M2 Competition around?
Back in 2015, BMW did something really cool for old-school enthusiasts by launching the M2. A spiritual successor to the highly acclaimed 1M Coupe, the M2 is a tad smaller than the M4, and although it misses 60 horsepower and 63 pound-feet, it’s only three-tenths of a second slower to 60 mph and only six seconds slower on the Nurburgring. The M2 is the modern embodiment of the original M3, a status that the M4 will never benefit from. Things have just become a lot more serious for the M2 now, which climbed another step on the performance ladder with the Competition package.
Why Are Automakers Getting Away with Cheating Devices and Gassing People?
There’s something terribly wrong with the auto industry today! And reading this week’s news is enough to notice it. Assuming you’re a sane person that is! While the folks over at Jalopnik uncovered how Goodyear hid evidence of a tire that caused at least nine deaths over nearly 20 years, other outlets are reporting how certain German carmakers paid scientists to gas monkeys and humans with toxic diesel fumes. Yeah, I know, it sounds like an overinflated conspiracy theory, but it’s all true, unfortunately.
Goodyear, one of the world’s most biggest tire manufacturers, is now under scrutiny for an issue that dates back to the early 2000s and is linked to more than 40 lawsuits and at least nine deaths. In short, the brand approved the G159, a tire designed in the mid-1990s for lower-speed delivery vehicles, for motorhome use. Motorhomes usually run at higher speeds than the said tire can handle, which resulted in numerous crashes and deaths. On top of that, it turns out that Goodyear managed to keep complaints and claim data sealed from auto safety regulators for all these years. It’s only now, in 2018, that a proper investigation was launched. Check out Jalopnik’s story for the full details.
Then we have all the big media outlets reporting about German scientists having gassed human volunteers with toxic diesel fumes in tests funded by big car manufacturers. Commissioned by the European Research Group on Environment and Health in the Transport Sector (EUGT), these tests were backed by Volkswagen, BMW, and Daimler, the parent company of Mercedes-Benz. In the U.S., then monkeys were gassed with exhaust fumes from a VW Beetle in 2014 by the U.S.-based Lovelace Respiratory Research Institute.
The EUGT was dissolved in 2016, and it remains unclear whether the carmakers were aware of monkeys and humans being gassed, or at least that’s what many reports claim. Be that as it may —, and I must say I have strong doubts that VW, BMW, and Daimler were unaware of what happened behind closed doors — it’s still a sick thing to do in the name of science. And the big problem is that the carmakers will get away with it.
Remember how BMW brought the i8 Roadster, a facelifted i8 with the roof chopped off, at the 2017 Los Angeles Auto Show and called it "new?" Well, it’s happening again. It’s been a little more than a month and BMW unveiled the "new" i8 Coupe at the 2018 Detroit Auto Show. The same car they first introduced in 2014, but with revised headlamps and taillights, a bit more horsepower, and a marginally improved range. BMW is either shameless and pathetic or is simply using the i8 to troll us at every auto show throughout the year (don’t forget about those "special-edition" models with "custom" paintjobs).
Pops’ Rants: Dear Lincoln and BMW, Please Stop Being So Pathetic
Man, this has been a rough week. Automotive-wise. The Los Angeles Auto Show sucked on so many levels. I haven’t seen so many crossovers in one place since the Soccer Mom Annual Meeting. Oh wait, that doesn’t sound right. Give me a minute here... Since the... uhm... wait, I got it... since the... Ah, screw it, I’m not in a mood for jokes. It just sucks! Then there’s the Urus, which isn’t a real Lamborghini and everyone gets excited as if they just launched the second-generation Miura. Do millennials even know what a Miura is? But the worst thing about this year’s L.A. show is that some automakers were set to remind me that press releases have more bullshit than a dairy farm.
Stop calling mild facelifts "brand-new," you half-baked hippies! You’re not fooling anyone.
Yeah, they’re at it again. Especially Lincoln and BMW. The American brand, which is struggling to stay afloat these days, just launched a mid-cycle facelift for the MKC with a new front grille. That’s it, a new grille! And they call it "new" with a "commanding new design." Hello?! It’s a new grille, not a new car. Now repeat after me: a new grille doesn’t make the entire car new. But wait, there’s more. Lincoln also introduced the Nautilus, a brand-new SUV according to the company’s PR division. Except it’s not new. It’s the MKX with a new grille and a new name. Hey, I like the fact that you’re using actual names now Lincoln, but it’s not a brand-new car! I can’t change my name and pretend I’m a new person. Okay, I can actually do that, but I may be spending my final years in a nuthouse. And trust me, the nuthouse isn’t good for business; there’s no room for a car production line in there.
But Lincoln isn’t the only company pretending customers are stupid. BMW also called the facelifted i8 new. Sure, the Roadster version is new indeed, but the coupe is identical to the car launched in 2014, save for the wheels, mildly revised headlamps and taillights, and the 12 extra horsepower. This is the most pathetic facelift I’ve seen in years. It’s not a new car, just a BRAND-NEW way to be lazy and pathetic! Go home BMW; you’re drunk!
Remember how you were all excited by the upcoming BMW 8 Series and M8? Do you also remember my rant about why this big revival won’t be as exciting as BMW wants us to believe? Well, it turns out I was right. Yeah, yeah, I’m well aware that both the 8 Series and M8 are still under wraps, but BMW just unveiled the M8 GTE race car, which basically means that the Germans showcased more than 50-percent of the production model. And look, it’s pretty much a redesigned M6!
Come on, did you really believe that BMW was planning to revive the 8 Series nameplate for something completely new like it happened when it was first introduced in the late 1980s? Wasn’t the fact that BMW discontinued the 6 Series before the announcement a big enough hint? How can you be so naive? Well, if you’re still expecting the 8 Series to be a unique model in the lineup and not just a reheated 6 Series soup, keep reading to find out why you should stop being the world’s most optimistic BMW fanboy.
Continue reading for the full story.
Pops’ Rants: Why I Don’t Care About Vegans and Nurburgring Laps
Boy this was a boring week. Not a single automotive event worth mentio... Ah, wait, the NIO EP9 smashed the Nurburgring lap record for production. Mighty impressive given that the benchmark was about eight years old, but there’s a bit of a problem. The NIO EP9 isn’t a production car. I know I’m old and my memory isn’t as good as it used to be, but can you provide me a link from where I can order this car? You can’t! Because this thing isn’t for sale.
Sure, NIO says that six examples have already been sold to company investors and that 10 more cars are underway for the general public, but that’s not much really. Maybe this contest over who has the bigger pecker on the ’Ring should have some additional rules. It’s enough that automakers like Nissan make special tweaks to their cars for these benchmarks, and we don’t need extremely limited runs validated as production models at the track. If it continues like this, carmakers will need to make just the one car to be considered a production vehicle soon. And it’s stupid!
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Pops’ Rants: Facelifts are BS; Someone at Rolls-Royce May Be Smoking Pot
Boy, I sure miss the good old days when car updates were more about the update and less about meaningless words in press releases. Things were much simpler back in the 1960s when most cars received yearly updates. No three-year planning, no bullshit. "Welcome to the new model year, have some redesigned features and a few extras," was the norm and it was absolutely brilliant. Nowadays, we just get facelifts with new headlamps and new speedometer needless. Pfeh!
If you haven’t been reading the news, BMW just upgraded the 2 Series and M2. And, by upgraded, I mean that it launched a big press release about nothing and made fewer improvements than the number of cups of coffee I have each morning. And trust me, I don’t drink too many. That’s slightly revised headlamps and taillights, new dashboard trim, and some minor changes to the instrument cluster. Facelift? I think not! You know what this is? Removing a mole off your nose and calling it a rhinoplasty.
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The BMW 8 Series is making a comeback after two decades. Yey! No, stop right there. No need to yay. The new 8 Series won’t be of the yay variety. It will be just another expensive, heavy, nanny-packed Bimmer made for those rich enough to throw at least $100,000 at the Mercedes-Benz S-Class Coupe. And, for those BMW fans waiting for the 8 Series to return, of course, but the rich enough statement applies here as well. Bottom line, if you can’t afford it, you’re yaying just because the name of a cool car from the 1990s is coming back.
But it’s just the name, not spirit.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m a big fan of the 8 Series. But, much like the Shelby Cobra and the DeTomaso Pantera, it’s a car from another era and needs to stay there. Otherwise, we’ll end up with yet another modern Maserati Ghibli, which has nothing in common with the outstanding grand tourer from the late 1960s. But isn’t it a bit too early to bash a car that won’t be here until 2018? Nope. It’s never too early to be a hater. And, let’s not forget we’re talking about BMW here. Keep reading to see what I mean.
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The BMW M4 CS Is a Glorified M4 for Suckers with Fat Wallets
So BMW finally unveiled the M4 CS. Big whoop! I simply cannot get excited about this glorified M4. And here’s why.
While the M4 is a great sports coupe that’s capable of great things on both the road and the track, it’s still far from being the iconic M3 coupe we all love. There are many reasons for that, but I’ll keep it short and mention the one that’s bugging me the most: it’s too damn heavy. This thing weighs nearly 3,500 pounds, only some 50 pounds lighter than the lightest version of the Mercedes-Benz E-Class. Let me say that again: 50 pounds lighter than a four-door sedan that’s significantly longer.
So the M4 CS is a tad lighter (but not light enough for BMW to add the "L" for "lightweight" to the "CS" badge), the engine boasts an extra 35 horsepower, and it’s a tenth-second quicker to 60 mph. Let’s say it’s not that bad given how difficult it is to make performance cars increasingly quicker nowadays, but for all of the above, you have to pay the equivalent of an M4 and a half. So 35 horsepower, a tenth-second, a carbon splitter, and a decklid spoiler for an extra $30,000+ over the base price of an M4.
How is this possible? What kind of deal is this?
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