It was all part of a very bad week for the man known as Dark Man X, aka DMX.

Just months after having to forfeit his Ford Expedition to New York authorities as part of a plea bargain for a less-than-gangsta-rap altercation at Kennedy Airport (the rapper crashed into a toll booth after tussling with another man over a parking spot), DMX found himself in the middle of a three-car collision involving a police cruiser. For most of the bling bling parade, this would have been a perfect time to switch from prose to Prozac.

Lindsay Lohan

As a member of Hollywood’s Ivy League, that class of celebrity that regularly whines and dines on Robertson Boulevard, Lohan should be used to the throng of paparazzi embedded with the Beverly Hills eatery’s valet parkers. Or so you would think.

But Oct. 4, perhaps a little too fully loaded on crunchy croutons and crème brulée, a source tells that after the 19-year-old New Yorker got into her brand new Mercedes Benz, she decided to circle around and give the shutterbug crowd one final Big Apple, middle finger salute. Trouble is, as Lohan tore past The Ivy restaurant, she failed to notice a delivery van pulling an illegal U-turn and — faster than you can say ’Freaky Friday’ — Lohan was staring down the tailpipe of a Troublesome Tuesday.

Paris Hilton

What do a night vision X-rated Internet sex tape and a 5 mph car crash video have in common? The same, blasé look of disinterest on the face of passenger Paris Hilton.

The most remarkable thing about the Nov. 10 Bentley scrape involving Paris and latest Greek shipping heir du jour Stavros Niarchos is not the alleged preferential treatment they received from the LAPD. Like, duh. It’s the fact that through thick and thin, FOX, and E!, Hilton never gets fazed by anything transpiring around her.

We hate to say it, but even when it comes to car crashes… We’ll always have Paris.

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