Six cars that Santa wouldn’t drive... for various reasons

Hey TopSpeeders, it’s Christmas again! The turkey with stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy should be ready for dinner and I assume you haven’t forgotten about Santa’s milk and cookies. I sure haven’t, but before I join my family and friends for the traditional dinner, I decided to drop by for some car-related Christmas fun. If you’re reading this, you probably already know what this article is all about. I know, it might sound a bit weird to talk about cars that Santa wouldn’t drive, but you see, I already covered the vehicles he’d use instead of a reindeer-powered sleigh. In case you missed it, you can check it out here.

So, why would Santa say no to a certain car? Well, he’s by no means a regular guy and his job is pretty demanding, especially around Christmas, when he has to deliver presents around the world in just 24 hours. Of course, given the large amount of stuff he has to haul around, anything without a large bed is out of the question, but let’s assume that Santa likes to drive around in a regular car when he’s not delivering goods. What kind of cars he wouldn’t be caught dead in and why?

Check out my list below and don’t be shy about sharing your own opinions in the comments box at the end of the article. Merry Christmas!

Continue reading for the full story.

Buick GNX

1982 - 1987 Buick Grand National Exterior Wallpaper quality
- image 485854

Launched in 1987 as the "Grand National to end all Grand Nationals," the Regal GNX was one heck of a car and it’s regarded as one of the coolest Buicks ever built. The reasons are simple. The GNX had a turbocharged V-6 that delivered a claimed 276 horsepower and 360 pound-feet of torque (believed to have been underrated from 300 horses and 420 pound-feet) and its performance was measured faster than the Ferrari F40 and Porsche 911 930 on the quarter mile and from 0 to 60 mph. What’s more, it’s murdered-out, sinister look coupled with the vertically slatted front grille earned it the tile "Darth Vader’s Car" and spawned the iconic "Lord Vader, your car is ready" headline in Car and Driver magazine. So if it was one of the quickest and most aggressive cars of its era, why would Santa turn it down? Well, it’s because of the Darth Vader association. Let’s face it, Santa has an image to protect and can’t be seen in a car that Darth Vader himself would use for his evil deeds. And, while we’re on the matter, I’m sure Santa would say no to any of the cars listed in our recent "What Would Darth Vader Drive" article.

Read the full review here.

Chevrolet Volt

2016 Chevrolet Volt High Resolution Exterior
- image 610093
Chevrolet Volt

With a beautiful, modern design, plenty of state-of-the-art tech, a spacious interior, and an efficient, hybrid drivetrain, the Chevrolet Volt seems like the kind of car Santa Claus would drive on a regular basis. What’s it doing on this list you ask? Well, it’s pretty simple. The Volt may be one of the best hybrids out there, but Santa has better choices. For example, I’m sure he would go fully electric and get a Tesla Model S. Not only quicker and more powerful, the Model S is also a zero-emission car, which Santa would prefer given that the ice at the North Pole isn’t doing too well with all the global warming.

Read the full review here.

BMW X6

2015 BMW X6 High Resolution Exterior
- image 555209

With Santa living at the North Pole where everything is covered in snow almost all year around, the BMW X6 may sound like a great choice for a daily driver. It has all-wheel-drive, a decent ride height, and a plenty of power if selected with the right specs. It also has navigation and plenty of modern features that make driving in harsh environments much easier. But, seeing how Santa is so well organized when it comes to preparing for Christmas and delivering gifts, I think he is pretty picky too and won’t settle for the first German SUV that drives to his door. I know this will upset most BMW fanatics, but the X6 is downright ugly and any person that knows a thing or two about automotive design would say no to the "hunchback of Spartanburg." Sorry Bimmer fans, but Santa doesn’t care too much about badges.

Read the full review here.

Bugatti Chiron

2018 Bugatti Chiron High Resolution Exterior
- image 667477

Yes, I know, seeing Santa drive Chiron at full blast would be pretty funny and worthy of a Top G... erm, Grand Tour episode, but no, that’s not going to happen. Santa Claus wouldn’t drive a Bugatti Chiron if it were the last car on earth. Why? Well, it’s rather obvious that Santa cares about the environment. The North Pole is among the most affected areas on Earth when it comes to industrial pollution. His reindeer also need a lot of fresh air while flying high to deliver them presents. Need more reasons? Just think about how much gasoline a Chiron would need to circle the world on Christmas day. I don’t think Santa wants to use all the gasoline available right now to deliver his presents. Also, those tires don’t last too long and they’re quite expensive to replace. The Chiron may be the world’s fastest supercar, but it’s also the one of the most unsustainable automobiles ever built.

Read the full review here.

Lada 1200

Cars that Santa Wouldn't Be Caught Dead In
- image 699041

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Lada 1200, it’s a compact car that was built by Soviet automaker AvtoVAZ between 1970 and 1988. Called VAZ-2101 on the local market and Lada 1200 in Europe (later the 1300 and 1500, depending on drivetrain), the Russian compact was a re-engineered version of the Fiat 124, produced under licence from Fiat and tailored for the nations of the Eastern Bloc. It was quite successful in the Eastern Bloc, which included many countries that didn’t have access to Western automobiles until the early 1990s, but it was widely exported in Western Europe as an economy car. Early versions of the Lada 1200 featured a starting handle for cranking the engine manually should the battery die in Siberian winter conditions, and an auxiliary fuel pump, which would make it perfect for Santa Claus, but it was famous for being highly unreliable and that rust was a given in a year after delivery. However, one particular reason why Santa wouldn’t want one is that the communists weren’t too fond of him and his perverted, capitalist ways. In some countries, including Romania, the communist government, which wanted to suppress religion, actually replaced Santa Claus with a similar figure that wasn’t related to the story of Jesus Christ and brought presents after Christmas.

Honda City Turbo II

Cars that Santa Wouldn't Be Caught Dead In
- image 699040

Santa Claus might be jolly and generous, but he’s not the kind of guy that would go for a jog in the park on a Monday morning. Unlike Odin (or Wodan), the pagan god on which Santa Claus’ persona is based on, Santa Claus is a bit overweight. As a result, he wouldn’t be able to fit and drive comfortably in a supermini or city car. Not that it would be an issue with most micro cars, but it’s a shame he can’t fit into the City Turbo II, a 110-horsepower street rocket that Honda produced in the 1980s. But hey, I’m fine with it. The City Turbo II is already a rare gem and if Santa would own one, the prices would increase dramatically. And since I’m planning to buy one in the future, I don’t need a huge celebrity owning one. So please, Santa, if you want to make me happy this Christmas, don’t get a Honda City Turbo. Or, better yet, get me one instead!

What do you think?
Show Comments
Car Finder: