Forget Rudolph. What would Santa drive? Part two
Certain people (who will remain nameless, but have an M3) reside in Florida, home of hurricanes and collapsing condo prices.
Others live in Wisconsin, home of snowstorms and high (and getting higher) taxes.
Lexus is running television commercials in which the guy gives his wife the car he really wants, and she’s thrilled. (Women that dumb apparently appreciate warmed over men, just as their men appreciate warmed over Toyotas.)
And, yes, we do know that Simona pulled this stunt yesterday. But, she doesn’t really qualify, either. Where she is, you have to drive to the mountains to find snow.
But here, snow comes without any special attention, without much notice, and it sticks around until April.
In Wisconsin, we wish Al Gore were right.
Unfortunately, the Nobel laureates are not telling the truth about “global warming.”
If only. Being able to drive a Corvette in Wisconsin all twelve months of the year would be FINE. But, it turns out that cattle contribute more to C02 emissions than do cars. So, I’m doing my bit. I’m even doing it in an ethanol appropriate way: corn-fed beef.
As in Porterhouse, New York Strip, Prime Rib – well, you get the idea. They just opened a Ruth’s Chris in town. How more ecological can it get?
But, did I mention it was snowing?
So, given the weather, one question comes to the forefront.
What would Santa drive?
Really. Not some cute Ferrari loaded with presents.
What would Santa drive when he positively had to get there, on time?
Remember, this is not merely about getting through snow.
It’s about getting through snow and delivering the goods.
Here are the nominees:
- A Hummer. Not an H1. The Army’s version. The diesel.
- The truck. The UPS truck. Without Dale.
- The AM General postal service delivery vehicle.
- Ford Crown Vic “Police Interceptor” with chains (yes, that is a cheat, but they’re cops), preferably used.
- A Jeep CJ5 (pre-Nardelli, of course – no wimps allowed).
- A Prius.
- A BMW X5 with that wonderful 60-series speed rated rubber.
- An Audi A8, with that wonderful 40 series speed rated rubber.
- A Porsche Cayenne with – well, you guessed it.
- A Porsche 991 Turbo.
Based on the concept that good things come in small packages, that your wife would rather recieve small diamonds than large anything else, and that giving, like charity, begins at the home,
THE WINNER IS:
The 991 Turbo Porsche.
Galvanized steel body.
All wheel drive.
Room enough for Santa and at least an 8 caret ring.
And it’s made by elves.