We’ve all been there. You’re tooling along, minding your own business, then flash – a bar of red and blue fills your rear mirrors. You take a quick glance at the speedometer, and that’s when you realize it – you’ve been speeding and you got caught.

So you pull over and prepare to go through the routine. Yeah, yeah, license, registration, etc. Sigh. Looks like it’s another ding on your license, more money into the state coffers and a bigger outlay to the insurance companies, right?

But wait! Maybe there’s a way out of this. Think fast, because here comes the man with a badge, a gun, a pen, and a thick pad of paper. Ok, let’s see. You were late to your drug sale? Nope, that won’t do. You’re so used to speeding, you forgot it was illegal? Yeah, that’s not very believable. Well, at least he should understand if you tell him you want to dump all those dead hookers in the trunk before they stain your carpet.

Should you find yourself in such an unfortunate position, this video will help you plan your next move. Of course, before the helpful bit, there’s a long list of hilarious excuses that might land you somewhere far worse than traffic school. If you’re so bold as to try anything prior to the 2:30 mark, you might as well follow it up with “don’t taze me, bro.”

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