What do you do if you find yourself in a dystopian future, where resources are scarce, chaos runs rampant, and he with the biggest gun makes the laws? The answer is quite simple, really; jack up the coupe, throw on some beefy tires, chop off the exhaust, don your leather jacket, and blitz across the desert with grim determination as explosions and face-painted whack jobs tumble in your wake.

The latest release for the Mad Max series is on its way, and if it’s anything like this new official trailer, it’s gonna be a doozy. As the fourth installment in the franchise, the first in 30 years, director/producer/co-writer Tom Hardy looks to be bringing all the stunts, effects, and tricked-out post-apocalypse bruiser-mobiles you’d expect from a continuation of the late 70s/early 80s classic.

Movies like this get to the very foundation of our survival instincts, making you think, maybe for just a moment, what sort of upgrades the family minivan would need to compete in the wilds. Well, we got you covered. Here’s the TopSpeed formula for turning your ride into an unstoppable dominator of roads: first, strip the interior and rip off all unnecessary body panels. Add a supercharger and give the motor open headers, possibly with side pipes that reach above the roofline. Raise the suspension half a foot and screw on the knobbiest tires you can scrounge. Weld a steel ram-wedge to the front bumper, add a thick layer of rust/dried blood, fix some sort of animal skull to the hood, and voila: your chariot is now ready to tackle any anarchist who dares to stand in your way.

Starring Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, and Nicholas Hoult, Mad Max: Fury Road is slated for release May 15. What a lovely day, indeed.

Jonathan Lopez
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