Marketing for the win!

Oh look, we have a new Nurburgring record for seven-seat SUVs. Nope, it’s not a super-fast benchmark set by BMW or Audi, companies that have actual performance seven-seat SUVs, but a boringly slow record set by... wait for it... Skoda. Yes, a company with limited global availability drove a diesel-powered, somewhat performance-oriented SUV on the ’Ring to set a record for a class that no one cares about. And it’s damn slow too at 9:29.84 minutes. I bet SUV enthusiasts will take the showrooms by storm to buy the 236-horsepower Kodiaq RS later this year.

The Skoda Kodiaq RS Sets Nurburgring Record for Seven-Seat SUVs
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This so-called record just opened a big can of worms, so be prepared for other silly benchmarks on the "Green Hell" in the future.

This so-called record just opened a big can of worms, so be prepared for other silly benchmarks on the "Green Hell" in the future. But until that happens, here’s a few you should look forward too.

1. Tata just set a new Nurburgring record for the smallest Indian-built car. The Nano city car lapped the Nordschleife in 18 minutes and 35 seconds. Too bad that the Nano is no longer in production.

2. An unknown driver set a new record for cars that no one really cares about by lapping the German track in a green-painted AMC Gremlin. The clock stopped at 48 minutes and 57 seconds due to a flat tire.

3. A BMW 3 Series from 1994 set a new benchmark for cars that rolled over in the Schwalbenschwanz turn. The Bimmer got there fairly quick but needed a tow truck to get to the finish line. The record stands at one hour, 12 minutes, and 43 seconds and it’s shared with a Man truck.

4. The record for the fastest slowest-selling car in the U.S. goes to the Bentley Continental Flying Spur with only 257 units delivered in 2017. Wanna know how fast it was? Well, let’s say it’s the quickest on this list and that the owner had time for a couple of glasses of champagne in the rear seat.

5. The record for the fastest human on the ’Ring is now at 14 hours and 22 minutes. It could have been faster, but the runner got lost into the surrounding woods for a few good hours. Of course, this record is relevant to the auto industry; we need to stay healthy!

6. And the record for the quickest snail is... okay okay, it ends here.

Further reading

The Skoda Kodiaq RS Sets Nurburgring Record for Seven-Seat SUVs
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Read our full speculative review on the 2019 Skoda Kodiaq RS.

Pops' Rants: Cadillac Sucks, Ferrari Is a Hypocrite, Civic Si Gets Turbo for Nothing
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Read more Pops’ Rants news.

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