Oh, the horror!

And how are you folks doing in the new year? Any new year resolutions for 2018? Nah, don’t bother, I don’t care. It’s not like these resolutions last more than a few weeks anyway. But hey, since we’re allowed to make wishes I’m gonna blow the candles and say it: I wish automakers would stop making all their cars look the same. I hate the corporate look strategy. I used to only hate Audi for doing it, but this thing spread like the Black Plague in recent years. Mercedes is also doing the "same sausage, different lengths" thing and BMW is very close to implementing it across the range. It will be complete once the 6 Series is phased out. It’s a sausage fest I’m telling you, and it just got worse!

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What was once an Audi thing, spread like the plague throughout the group.

Have you seen the sketches of the upcoming Volkswagen Jetta? If not, check out our review, I’ll give you a few moments. Looking good right? I no longer feel like I want to kill myself when I look at it. Sure, the front end is taken off the Passat and it’s not very inspiring but I don’t mind. I get the marketing behind the corporate look. But that rear end has Audi A4 written all over it. Just like the Passat looks like a poor man’s A6. And how the Toledo looks like the A4 and the Leon X-Perience looks like the A4 Allroad.

Yup, not only have most Volkswagen Group brands adopted the "same sausage, different lengths" approach on their own, but they’re actually using it as some sort of group identity. What was once an Audi thing, spread like the plague throughout the group. And it sucks! While I’m not a fan of products from the dirty VAG, I always loved the fact that the Seat Leon is significantly different from the Volkswagen Golf it was based on. Or that the Audi R8 has its own identity, despite sharing underpinnings with the Lamborghini Huracan. But, everything else has become increasingly diluted in recent years and it appears to be getting worse.

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We're an inch away from getting perfectly identical cars that are only longer and wider depending on the segment they're competing in

It’s not only Volkswagen that is being moved closer and closer to Audi up the premium ladder, but it’s also using more and more styling cues from its Ingolstadt cousin. Just look at the Passat, Arteon, and now the Jetta. Even Seat models are starting to look more and more like their Volkswagen counterparts, also getting Audi bits here and there. I wouldn’t be surprised to see that the next-generation Touareg is a rebadged, poor man’s Audi Q7, either.

We’re an inch away from getting perfectly identical cars that are only longer and wider depending on the segment they’re competing in. Damn, even "The Flintstones" animated series had more exciting cars than Volkswagen. Footmobile power!

References

Pops' Rants: Cadillac Sucks, Ferrari Is a Hypocrite, Civic Si Gets Turbo for Nothing
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Read more Pops’ Rants news.

Hey, I’m Pops, and these people here said I need to have a bio next to a picture like everyone else. I don’t like it one bit but heck, here I am. You’re probably wondering what my real name is, huh? Well it doesn’t matter and you shouldn’t care. People call me Pops and it’s been like that for a very long time. Heck, I think I’ve been the pops of the group since I was in my early 20s. Something to do with the fact that I rant a lot and I hate pretty much everything. "Hey look, here comes Pops to bitch some more," they used to say. They used to, get my drift? What a bunch of assholes! I never bitch, I have opinions. Sure, I kind of like hearing myself talk but hey, if you don’t like it, you know where the door is. I hate it when people don’t like what I have to say but still stick around.

Pops' Rants: Cadillac Sucks, Ferrari Is a Hypocrite, Civic Si Gets Turbo for Nothing
- image 712265

Which brings me to why I’m here. You know what else I don’t like? This silly thing they now call an automotive industry. One of man’s greatest achievements has been pussified so every blockhead can drive a car while using smartphone apps, verifying his tire pressure, calling his wife, and checking whether his dog pooped on the neighbors lawn. Instrument panels have lights for every little thing that goes wrong under the hood and sends you to the dealer to change the oil. Change the oil yourself you lazy prick! Back in my day I did that in the garage, getting all sweaty and greasy. No car told me what to do and where to go. Buttons, swipes, screens, voice activation, I’m just sick of them. Wasting time and money on silly things instead of simply enjoying driving. I still do that you know. In my 1970 Plymouth Roadrunner. But not you. No, you’re too busy getting the latest apps. Ah screw it, you’re not gonna get it anyway. And I’m tired of this bio thing...

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