Pops’ Rants: The Mitsubishi Lancer Needs to Die Already
and Darth Vader doesn’t fancy Mustangsby Pops, on
So I was minding my business yesterday — primarily being annoyed about all the "May the 4th be with you" nonsense everywhere — when I stumbled across a tiny press release from Mitsubishi about a new limited-edition version of the Mitsubishi Lancer. I stare a the screen for a few seconds thinking "what the hell, wasn’t this thing discontinued some two years ago?" I snap out of it, I ask good ole’ Google a few questions, and it hits me: the Lancer is still going strong.
That’s good news for rally enthusiasts (and an endless source of jokes for Subaru WRX fans), but it’s the kind of news that ruins my day. Why? Well, this thing is still in dealerships after two years of special, "this is the last Lancer ever" editions. Come on man, I know it’s an iconic car and all, but let’s seal the coffin once and for all and let the Lancer name die peacefully.
Wait, I’m not done yet!
Continue reading for the full story.
How Silly Can You Get?
Yup, that’s what Mitsubishi has been doing ever since it announced that the Lancer will be no more a few years ago. On top of selling the car without notable upgrades since 2007, it began rolling out all sorts of special editions starting 2014. We had the lancer Evolution X Final Edition, the Evolution X HKS Final, a couple of other final editions I’m too lazy to document, and now the Lancer Limited Edition. This last one is a unique trim package that "encompasses technology and styling at an affordable, competitive price." Haha, imagine that, technology and styling. Helloooo? It’s twenty seventeen, the 21st century, and all that. I’m an old fart who likes old cars and I still find it funny. Actually, it’s rather pathetic, but it’s Friday and I’m in a good mood.
And you know what else makes the Limited Edition a pathetic attempt to sell a few more examples of a dated, dying car? The name! Limited Edition. It’s a limited edition called the Limited Edition. For crying out loud Mitsubishi, you could’ve went with any other cheesy name about the vehicle’s incredible rally racing past. It’s the final batch, you don’t need an excuse. You could have called it the Lancer "Tommi Makinen Drove Me to Four WRC Championships in the 1990s" Edition and I would’ve been perfectly fine. But no, you had to settle for Limited Edition. As limited as the impact you cars have in most markets nowadays.
Buh-bye Lancer, I’ll be seeing you again in a few years when you return as a crossover. Just like the Eclipse did. And don’t get me started on that.
Darth Vader Mustang Something Something
Errrm, so this "May the 4th be with you" gibberish became car-related this year when a Ford designer whose name is too long for me to remember said that he penned the 2018 Mustang using Darth Vader’s helmet as inspiration. I’m not a Star Wars fan, but I like Darth Vader’s helmet. It’s an interesting fashion piece; somewhat old-school. Needless to say, I like Vader too, because he’s grumpy like me. I think I wear an invisible Darth Vader helmet every morning before coffee.
But I digress...
As much as I like Mr. Vader, there’s no such thing as a Vader-inspired car. Unless you’re Hot Wheels of course. And Vader wouldn’t approve a Mustang as his ride. He already has a car. It’s called the Buick GNX and it’s been around for three decades. And you know what makes the GNX the one and only Darth Vader car? The fact that it wasn’t designed after his helmet. Some guy designed it, a bunch of guys built it, and it ended up looking like Darth Vader was the mastermind with a pen and a piece of paper. And maybe he was, because it seems perfect. So no, the force isn’t strong with the Mustang.
See what I mean?