What Would Santa Drive? - 2017 Edition
Trucks, supercars? A bicycle maybe?by Ciprian Florea, on
Santa Claus isn’t the kind of guy you’d think of when talking about superheroes, but he’s definitely the fat, cheerful version of Superman. Just think about it. He has only 24 hours to deliver presents all over the world, including difficult to reach areas, and gets the job done every time. Let’s face it, Superman is the only guy who would be able to do the same, but he’s too busy rebuilding Krypton nowadays. A big part of Santa’s success as a delivery guy are his uberfast, flying reindeer. But what if they all got sick at once for the holidays? Planes aren’t an option as they can’t land just about anywhere, so Santa may be forced to use a car.
Yup, you guessed it, I’m updating Santa’s delivery car garage for 2017!
So what would Santa drive this year? Nope, last year’s vehicles aren’t an option. Mr. Claus is too popular and trendy to use the same cars each Christmas. And needless to say, with so many new vehicles launched in 2017, he’s probably anxious to try new rides. Let’s see what vehicle lineup would be able to replace Santa Claus’ eight reindeer this year.
Continue reading for the full story.
Santa needs all the luggage room he can get
Tesla’s recently announced semi truck is an obvious choice here. Santa needs all the luggage room he can get and things don’t get better than this when it comes to hauling goods. The Tesla Semi is supposed to be quick too, needing 20 seconds to hit 60 mph when fully loaded. Granted, that seems slow when compared to modern sports cars, but fully loaded means no fewer than 80,000 pounds (more than 36 ton!) here. You should also consider that a conventional semi needs a full minute to hit that speed.
Another thing about the Tesla Semi that Santa may like is the all-electric drivetrain. Global warming is a serious issue at the North Pole with the ice cap melting and all, so Mr. Claus may favor a green vehicle for deliveries. Tesla also promises a range of 500 miles per charge for a fully loaded truck, so performance wouldn’t be an issue. With regenerative braking and a megacharger that adds 400 miles of range in just 30 minutes, the Tesla Semi sounds promising and very reliable.
The only issue here is that the electric semi won’t be available until Christmas. But maybe Tesla has a running prototype Santa can borrow for a couple of days. Painted in red, of course - Now that would be a big publicity stunt!
Read our full review on the 2019 Tesla Semi.
It's one of the best off-road-capable vehicles available right now
The Wrangler may not be able to carry around too much stuff, but it’s one of the best off-road-capable vehicles available right now. And, Jeep just launched a brand-new version, called the JL, with upgraded everything. Santa has three engines to choose from, including the big 3.6-liter Pentastar V-6, and an eight-speed transmission for easier operation. Four-wheel-drive is obviously standard and will come in handy in rough terrain and snow. The fully boxed frame, the solid axles, and the multi-link control suspension arms make the Wrangler the ideal deliver SUV for just about any environment. The heated seats and steering wheel and the dual-zone climate system means that Santa will be comfortable no matter the continent, while the modern Uconnect infotainment system will provide all the convenience for those long intercity drives. And yes, it’s available in red paint. With a matching red interior too!
Read our full review on the 2018 Jeep Wrangler.
Santa could use Doc Brown's modified DMC-12 to travel faster
Yeah I know the DeLorean DMC-12 is old and slow, but I’m not talking about the production car here. Santa could use Doc Brown’s modified DMC-12 to travel faster. Not back in time or into the future of course, but rather teleport to different parts around the world using a modified version of the already heavily modified car. I know that teleportation hasn’t been invented yet (so to speak), but Chinese scientists did manage to successfully teleport a photon from Earth to a satellite orbiting the planet. I’m sure Mr. Claus and the Chinese government could sort something out here. It might take a while though, as China may want a joint-venture for the entire project.
Lotus Esprit submarine car
It actually works as a submarine, using a bank of four propellers to move forward
Travelling the world only by road and air can be tricky, so Santa could use a vehicle that’s able to provide transportation under water. A submarine would be too dangerous with all the conflicts going on around the world, but I have a solution: the Lotus Esprit submarine car! Although it looks like a production Lotus Esprit, this sports car was built as a one-off for the "James Bond: The Spy Who Love Me" film from 1977. And it actually works as a submarine, using a bank of four propellers to move forward. These are driven by four electric motors powered by batteries housed in a water-tight compartment. It has articulated fins that provide a turning circle for around 20 feet and it can dive and climb using ballast tanks.
The only problem is that the interior no longer resembles a production Esprit. The cabin has only a platform seat for the driver, with the remaining space occupied by motors, batteries, levers, and other control features. The movie car is currently owned by Tesla chief Elon Musk, so maybe the Lotus will be included in some sort of deal with the semi truck.
A retirement car for good old Santa?
I know, a McLaren Senna is way too radical for Santa Claus. It’s not exactly useful with room for just two helmets and those race-ready seats don’t look very comfortable for long trips, but I’m including it here as a retirement car for good old Santa. He’s been doing this for decades now, but he has to retire at some point. Or, he could very well decide to move to California for a few summers. After all, he doesn’t have to work all year. I’m sure that his factory has enough elves to cover for one person on prolonged PTO. Yup, Santa could take the Senna on the race track and enjoy a bit of high-speed action. Or even better, he could embark on a tour on race tracks around world to showcase his driving skills. Heck, he’s been traveling the world for so long, I bet he’s got the skills to score some quick laps at the Nurburgring. People would pay big bucks for that, which could go to charity and stuff like that. Why not put a million-dollar supercar to good use?
Read our full review on the 2019 McLaren Senna.
Now wait a minute, you cannot end this article without my input. What’s with all the fancy cars and electric trucks? How come no one notices that Santa is having weight issues? He definitely doesn’t go to the gym as often as he should, so he could replace the car with a bicycle. Oh, you can’t haul stuff on a bike? Well, life is tough. Maybe Santa could hire a driver for the Tesla Semi. But hey, there’s good news in this. There are plenty of fancy bikes out there. Expensive ones too, assuming that Santa doesn’t want to be seen on a cheap means of transportation. For $10,000, Santa can score a state-of-the-art, carbon-fiber bicycle in no time!